Authenticity 101: Telling People You're Not Okay

I know this conversation isn’t easy. Showing up and saying, “I’m not okay” feels like breaking a rule we all silently agreed on. But I’m here to tell you: that rule is nonsense. This idea that you have to be “fine” all the time, to power through, to smile when you feel like crumbling—it’s only hurting us. Authenticity, the kind where you’re honest with yourself and others, is where strength really lives.

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What It Means to Be Vulnerable

Let’s be real. Admitting you’re not okay can feel vulnerable, and for good reason. Society has us believing that to be strong is to shoulder it all alone, to pretend everything is perfect. But what if strength actually means stepping forward, saying, “This is hard, and I need a hand”? That’s bravery. And when you’re honest about what you’re going through, you allow yourself to heal. 

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Why We All Struggle to Be Honest About Our Struggles

We all know why we don’t open up: we’re afraid of being judged, of being seen as weak or incapable. Especially in the professional world, there’s this unspoken rule: if you show your struggles, you’re somehow less capable. But that belief keeps us locked up tight, isolated in a room where the only voices are our own self-doubts. 

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Here’s the truth: being authentic about your struggles doesn’t make you weaker. It’s not about “losing control.” It’s about giving yourself permission to be human. I can tell you from experience that the moment you admit, “I’m struggling,” you find a new kind of strength you didn’t know you had.

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How to Start Telling People You’re Not Okay

1. Acknowledge What’s Real: The first step is looking yourself in the mirror and saying, “I’m going through something hard.” It’s okay if you don’t have the words yet or even fully understand it. Just accept that your feelings are valid.

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2. Find Your Support People: Not everyone needs to know every detail of your struggle, but there are a few trusted friends, family members, or colleagues who do. Identify them, and don’t be afraid to reach out. The people who care about you want to know; they want to support you.

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3. Set Boundaries While Being Real: Vulnerability doesn’t mean pouring out everything at once. Share only what you’re comfortable with. Saying, “I’m going through a tough time right now” can be enough. You’re giving people a glimpse into your world without exposing everything. Take it in small steps.

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Simple Ways to Start the Conversation

This is the part that feels hardest, right? But I promise, taking that first step can be a relief. Start small, say, “I’m dealing with a lot right now.” Use “I” statements like, “I feel really overwhelmed,” or “I’m having a hard time.” These open the door to connection without expecting anything in return, just a little bit of understanding. Vulnerability is a muscle; each time you practice, it gets stronger, and it doesn’t feel as intimidating.

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The Ripple Effect: Being Honest Inspires Others

When you admit you’re struggling, you do something beautiful: you give others permission to be real, too. You say, “I’m human,” and someone else says, “I am, too.” This authenticity builds real relationships, not the “highlight reel” ones we’re all used to. Imagine if we could create workplaces, communities, and friendships where people felt safe to be honest about the hard stuff. We’d feel less alone, less isolated. And honestly, the world could use a little more realness.

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Redefining Strength Through Honesty

So here’s the bottom line: telling people you’re not okay isn’t a breakdown. It’s a breakthrough. It’s redefining strength on your terms. I know it feels scary, but I promise you, the moment you let that wall come down, even a little, you’ll feel lighter. You’ll realize that authenticity doesn’t weaken you—it empowers you.

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Here’s my challenge: the next time you’re tempted to hide behind, “I’m fine,” try telling the truth instead. Say, “I’m struggling.” Start small. You’ll find that being honest with yourself and others is one of the greatest acts of self-respect. It’s time to rewrite what strength looks like—starting with the truth about being okay with not being okay.

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